Tie-Dyed Brain Rays

On Vox: Food For Thought

I interviewed Nancy Lee Bentley the other day. While the gist of our interview was affordable, homegrown nutrition, it didn't take long for me to get down to the Omega Tau connection. Check out our interview on Vox. 

The hook for this interview was how to eat healthy on $40.00 a week, but once we got into our conversation it became clear that Nancy has been doing a lot of thinking about the importance of self sufficiency and...

» Read more on Vox

Here are a series of emails Nancy and I shot back and forth to each other. It goes a little deeper into my whole notion of the coming Great Contingency and our need to get ready for it.

From: "Mike Cope" <[email protected]>
To: "Nancy Lee Bentley" <[email protected]>
Fri 1/23/09 10:00 AM
[email protected]; [email protected]; Mike Cope ([email protected])
Subject:  Interview on KXYL in Brownwood, Texas

Nancy,
 
Thanks so much for the great interview this morning. I'll have a copy of it in MP3 format available for you this weekend if you would like it. I'll also be posting it to my blog. I'll send the link once I've got it online. I would like access to the review copy of the book if I may. I want to read it in depth then have you back for a longer, more in depth interview.
 
I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about the uncertain future and how we need to get back to the basics of self-sufficiency. You see all this survival literature of the "grab-your-rifle-and-stock-up-on-MREs" variety, but that is so short sided and unsustainable that it isn't even funny. What happens in six months if the lights still aren't on? Who will take care of us, the government? Oh please! And didn't we used to rely on ourselves? What happened to that? I'm totally plugged in to where you are coming from. I want to learn more about your concepts and share them with our listeners. I would like to discuss where to start when deciding to take control of your own food supply. Would that be possible?
 
Again, thanks for a great interview,
 
Mike Cope
Wendlee Broadcasting
600 Fisk Ave.
Brownwood,TX 76801
325-646-3535
[email protected]


From: "Nancy Lee Bentley" <[email protected]>
To: "Mike Cope" <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 12:49 PM
Subject: Re: Interview on KXYL in Brownwood, Texas
 
Wow, Mike,
Thanks so much for the time on air with you this morning. It was great fun!

I appreciate the MP3, as well.  I post a number of them on my website so producers and potential clients can hear me and my ability to speak the language with different audiences.

But most of all, Mike, I want to tell you, You made my day with this email. You're GETTING  it!   Not a lot of people are yet, although the awareness is creeping into the back of people's minds, Yet, so many people are in such a fearful, low energy brain fog they can't even think straight. Like what do I need to SURVIVE? Hey, what's wrong with this picture when people are /too busy to think about how to survive, even as a /backup plan/?? Yea, HELLO!    Is the government going to take care of us Like you say. Pulleaaaaaase! Well, as I say, No One is going to take care of us.....Oh, yea, with the exception of the Pharmaceutical companies, THEY'll TAKE CARE Of US!   But maybe not in the way you really want them to....

So, it's no accident that I've pulled this information together in this format, nor that we connected in this way.  There's alot more in this information package than meets the eye.

So, yes, I'll email you a digital copy of the booklet and we should talk again about how to continue this discussion, maybe even as a series where we tackle pieces of this info at a time.....  I have some ideas.

And I'm REALLY GLAD that you emailed me back! It's exciting to see the Lights coming on.  People ARE
looking for this kind of information, and truthfully, that's only going to continue.  But it's a better idea to
start talking about this now, instead of waiting for when we need it........ahem....notice I said "when".
 
So, this is great!   Digest some of this, and let's communicate on some concrete ideas soon, even next week, if you have the time
 
Yes, You got it, I'm your man (so to speak) Well, you know what I mean....

Thanks again,
Soon,
 
Nancy Lee Bentley
Wholistic Health Expert
www.TrulyCultured.com


From: "Mike Cope" <[email protected]>
To: "Nancy Lee Bentley" <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, January 26, 2009 10:05 PM
Subject: Re: Interview on KXYL in Brownwood, Texas
 
Nancy,

The easiest way I've found to get interviews to the people who want a copy is to upload them to my personal SkyDrive account. Here's the address:

http://cid-f85c792b015f6703.skydrive.live.com/browse.aspx/.Public

I'll also be posting a streaming copy to my blog in the next couple of days. I'll send you the link when it is online.

I would like to set something up with you in the next few weeks to talk about preparedness-- not the gun toting MRE hording survivalist stuff, but what we need to do to be more self sufficient and ready for any contingency. I think we could do about 20 minutes that wouldn't go over the heads of our radio audience.

I would like to get into a more thorough discussion and take it point by point, but in all honesty that will be a hard sale to the boss. What I could do, however is set up a time when we could record a long interview that I could edit into sections that we could both use on our respective websites. That would also allow us a little more latitude in topics because we wouldn't have to keep it as general as the radio broadcast requires.

I am so jazzed about what you are trying to do and thrilled that we are thinking along the same lines. I've even been thinking about things such as what knowledge would give small groups or communities the best shot at LONG TERM survival in a worst case scenario. What would we need to know to grow sustainable crops, rebuild houses and buildings, provide clean water and medical aid at whatever level of technology we find ourselves?

Beyond the technological, what other information do we preserve and pass down? What of our culture, religions, history, literature and art do we find important enough to hold on to? Who decides what to save and what not to save? Who controls that information? How can it be distributed so that everyone has fair access to it? We could stand at another cross-roads like the Dark Ages where knowledge is REALLY power. Do we want a single, central, authority to control the dissemination of information?

What responsibility do we as the few who see the big picture have for taking proactive measures to do something about it? Whether it is the asteroid Apophis or a nuke or economic collapse, chances are good that something devastating will befall us. And even if it doesn't, shouldn't we PLAN for the worst, just in case? The builders of the Titanic planned for the second worst thing that could happen and you see how well that worked out.

I think that no matter what happens, some people will survive. What will become of the children born after the MREs are gone? Don't they deserve a chance to get things up and going again? How will the second and third generations born into a post-electromechanical society fare? Can we set the foundation so these people don't have to start from scratch by trial and error?

Just a few thoughts I'm having that get more focused every day. I hope I don't sound like a Doomsday nut. I'm really not all that worried about the Great Contingency, as I like to call it. I just think it behooves us to be ready. And even if that day never comes, shouldn't we all know how to grow a few tasty vegetables?

Thanks for indulging me in a lengthy email. I've found this subject to be a pretty good conversation killer. I appreciate someone who understands where I'm coming from.

Talk to you soon,

Mike


From: "Nancy Lee Bentley" <[email protected]>
To: "Mike Cope" <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 1:59 PM
Subject: Thanks and More Thoughts....Re: Interview on KXYL in Brownwood, Texas
 
Hi Mike,
It's really encouraging that you're taking the time to go through this process and write down your thoughts as you're refining this focus for yourself.. I'm grateful for your thoughts and your willingness to dialogue.

You're right, they're aren't a lot of people who are actively thinking about all of this, and to some degree I've been feeling like I’m a lone she-wolf so to speak crying out in the void.  Although I do think that this is going to be rapidly coming to the forefront of people's minds as things continue to get worse.

You're right on.  Legitimate questions and concerns. Not necessarily going into fear about things, but HELLO,  who's even exercizing enough common sense to have the awareness that we need to at least have a backup plan.  Like I say, the writing's on the wall.  but not, obviously for everyone... yet.

I do want to continue this dialogue. And I like your ideas about a way to record a longer interview that can be edited down into manageable segments for presenting this information.

And this week, since I've been getting more calls from DJ's and other talk hosts, responding to the Eat for $40 a week focus, I'm also refining my own strategy.  And what I'm working on is developing a "Cultured Bytes" miniblog, then audio podcast with small 3-5 minute segments focused on a whole set of "how-to" nuggets of info that would be ideal for radio.  Everything from "Getting Closer to Your Food doesn't mean sitting by the Refrigerator to eat" to How to make yogurt" to some of my regular "Are You Smarter than Bacteria?" hooks. I already have some interest from a couple of information services that do daily feeds for talk show hosts and producers. What do you think about this? Would this be valuable to you guys? Would it fly, even with the drivetime RnR group?  Would these short segment focuses be practical and useable?

I guess the answer to that is, it depends upon how bad things get, and how fast.   I am in agreement with you  that it only makes sense to consider investigating this kind of basic information, even an insurance policy.

Again, I'm not talking about survivalist or hoarding mentality. And I truthfully DO NOT want to get pegged as an alarmist.  I  think  there's a need for calling it like it is, now, before we have to...

Your thoughts?

Stay in touch, Mike, Let's talk about some of this and look at nailing down a date. I really appreciate your communications, it makes me think there's still hope... if you know what I mean...

Best,
Nancy Lee

Epic Fail-Con USA: Putting The Con In Convention

LynchMobOrganizer on the Fedcon USA boards wrote filk lyrics on the Epic Fail-Con USA meme, sung to the tune to "Faith of the Heart."

Epic Fail Con
To the tune of "Faith of the Heart"(Enterprise Theme)
------------------------------
It'll be a great show
That's what the con staff say
It'll be a great time
But something's off the first day

Aaron Douglas should've warned me right then and there
Things were going wrong
Saturday morning the show's shut down
Now all I can do is sing a song

Of Epic Fail, at the con
Not Even Dr. Phlox could save it
Epic Fail, of the staff
they can't do anything
Epic Fail of the lies
Our Con Chair's Spine is leaking
Shoulda Just Stayed at Home
Epic Fail, Epic Fail, Fail of the Con

Pretty clever, LynchMobOrganizer!

On TrekMovie.com John Champion filed this report on the demise of Fedcon USA. TekToday.com also ran a story. But the real skinny comes from Aaron Douglas, Chief Tyrol on Battlestar Galactica, who has scathing comments about Tim Brazeal's mishandling of the contractual details and travel arrangements for this Kobayashi Maru. His Live Journal is complete with emails between himself, his agent and Fedcon USA organizers. It doesn't paint a pretty picture. Douglas was online refuting the Brazeal propaganda machine even as the convention (what there was of it) was in progress. With an amazing A+B button spinning death-kick combo, the Brazeal team managed to not only screw the fans out of seeing a couple of their favorite stars, they screwed Aaron Douglas out of a bonding experience with his cast mates:

I cleared my schedule to be there. My schedule that is now in the final 2 weeks of shooting. Shooting the show that has meant so much to so many for 6 years of my life. We are shooting on location next week and the cast and crew are heading there early to spend the weekend together. James and I chose differently. We chose to go to Dallas and be with all of you, much to the chagrin of many of our castmates. I was so excited to watch the final episode in a room full of fans and then have drinks and talk about it.
This is profoundly disappointing to me.

Meanwile, back at the Death Star, the Fedcon USA website was still promoting Aaron Douglas and James Callis as confirmed guests. Mr. Douglas suspects that this was done deliberately to lure unsuspecting fans, and their money, to a convention that had no intention of delivering the goods.

I just got a call from a friend in Dallas who was listening to the radio and it stated that myself and James will be at Fedcon this weekend?

WHAT!?!?!?!

are you insane?

tell you what fans. I am consulting my lawyer in the morning and I will look into a blanket letter I can sign that you will all be able to use to have your credit card charges reversed because you bought your tickets with the promise that I would be there when they clearly had no intention of ever having James or myself.

This smells a lot like fraud. I am not saying it is... just smells like it.

Now that's putting the CON in convention!

Something that really sticks in my craw is that Tim Brazeal claims that his budgetary woes are due in part to a large out-lay for media spots:

I know that we all had high hopes for the show. I am not sure what happened exactly.. I spent thousands on radio, print advertisement etc.. So it was not from lack of trying. JackFM ran and is running over 200 commercials for the show. I did newspaper etc.. anyway. I don't see a reason in making everyone continue to suffer through this.. So I told them to shut it down now.

I contacted Fedcon USA as early as January to offer them as many 20 minute interview slots as they could fill on the biggest NewsTalk radio station in Central Texas. I offered them live spots, pre-records-- whatever they needed, to be aired during morning drive time. I asked for interviews with any of the scheduled guests, who were contractually obligated to do media according to Chris McKeown, the media relations person for Fedcon USA at that time. I also asked to interview Tim, Richard Anderson, or any other of the convention organizers they wished to provide. I was eager to help promote this event up to the day of the convention, report from the convention and do follow up interviews after the convention to help jump start the buzz for the next one. He couldn't have bought the airtime I was offering for free!

Phone calls and emails were not returned. No interviews ever materialized. Even at the convention, Steven Burkholder, who replaced Chris McKeown couldn't score me a single interview with guest, fan or the hotel employee who was cleaning up the empty press room. While Steven appears to be a nice enough kid, and is at least as good at disappearing as Harry Houdini, I'm not sure he was actually qualified to park the cars. "Dude, I partied too late last night," he told me on Saturday morning. "I think I saw Robert O'Reilly in the elevator. I'll try to go get him," he said before he vanished in a puff of smoke(screen).

And while KXYL is not a major market urban affiliate, we do reach a potential listening audience of 100,00 people in the mid and small sized towns and in the outlying rural districts. There are several large colleges in our listening area as well as several community colleges and Junior colleges, all full of eager young fans. You might be surprised at how well science fiction plays down on the farm. Our station gave away ten pairs of tickets to some of those eager fans who drove upwards of 200 miles to see the show. Imagine the embarrassment to the station when I had to call these folks and tell them, "oops! My bad. No show. So sorry." I personally called them all on Saturday, as soon as I heard the bad news, which was delivered by some random, disappointed, fan as we stood by the elevators. Unfortunately, most of those folks had already arrived, some having even plunked down the cash for rooms.

If you got burned in this deal, or if you want to share stories of the actors who stepped up to the plate for the fans, please contact me. I would like to set up short phone interviews for a podcast on this blog. Please email me at [email protected] or [email protected] to make arrangements. 

Epic Fail-Con USA

Here's the official story of how Fedcon USA collapsed from Tim Brazeal:

There are a dozen reasons that lead to the downfall of FedConUSA, and truth be told, none of them are pretty. We could have been more organized. We could have communicated better with the public and staff and actors. We could have done more advertising. The economy was already headed to the pits a year ago when we started this thing. El Niño, simply because it's been too long since we've blamed something on El Niño. In the end, however, it all came down to money.

As anybody who has run a convention can tell you, it's not a cheap thing to do. There are a thousand little things that add up, as well as many big things. When we started off on this endeavor with FedCon Germany at our side, we had the financial backing and experience of one of the best convention organizations on the planet. However, with their understandable withdrawal from FedConUSA, we were left without the inside experience and cash reserves.

We had expected much more walk-in attendance than we received, and hoped that we would have been able to pull things together enough that the show could go on. As you know, that didn't happen. We are truly sorry to everyone for what has happened and disappointed that we couldn't have put on a better show.

You can read the full text of Tim's comments here.

The angry, disappointed, fans who shelled out the latinum and drove or flew long distances to attend this debacle don't seem impressed or in a forgiving mood. Many had bought non-refundable airline tickets with travel restrictions and had pre-paid for expensive hotel rooms only to find themselves all dressed up (as Klingons) with no place to go. Some hit the Fedcon Usa forums trying to put together impromptu outings to kill the time while they were stuck in Dallas. Several mentioned taking a trip to the Sixth Floor Museum, no doubt fantasizing about Tim Brazeal motoring through Dealey Plaza in an open car.

The chatter on the Fedcon USA forums include terms like "fraud" and "class action lawsuit." For Tim Brazeal it will in the end, no doubt all come down to money as those on booth sides of the ticket booth demand redress. And this is not the first time Mr. Brazeal's name has been associated with Star Trek related fiduciary problems. He was behind the Trek United, "Save Enterprise" fiasco which cost trusting fans their hard-earned money and accomplished exactly nothing.

It certainly seems that accounting is not Mr. Brazeal's strong suit. Perhaps the failure of Fedcon USA was best articulated by an irate conventioneer who obviously had some experience in this arena. He lectured a group of dazed and weary volunteers holed up in the box office. "You NEVER depend on the gate to pay the bills," he growled. "You NEVER risk somebody else's money like this. You raise the seed money yourself and hope to make your investment back. You hope the dealer's room will pay for the convention and the gate will pay the actors, but unless you already have the money in the bank you have no business putting on a show."

And while the no one officially involved in the Fedcon USA (dis)organization seemed to know what was going or to be able to accomplish much other than pass the buck and make excuses, the stars did what they could to salvage the weekend. They valiantly soldiered on, like the band who stayed and played to boost the passenger's morale as the Titanic slipped beneath the waters of the icy North Atlantic. While all the actors, writers and other talent did yeoman work keeping spirits up, the posters on the Fedcon USA forums credit John Billingsley with making sure the autograph room remained open for the fans and taking the lead in getting answers from convention organizers.

I didn't get the pleasure of interacting with John Billingsley or the other guests, but I did corral Garrett Wang for a few minutes and he was most gracious. He was willing to grant me an interview even as the convention was falling apart around him. He requested that we do it in the autograph room as he promised that he would sign for the fans. He was friendly, accessible and upbeat despite the circumstances. The autograph room quickly filled up with eager fans wanting their last shot at meeting their favorite actors, and I didn't want to pull his attention away from the guests who bought tickets and flew or drove long distances for this event. I thanked him for his willingness to give me an interview, got a quick snapshot and prepared to leave. He asked for my contact info and promised to get in touch with me sometime in the next week for a phone interview under better conditions. He certainly didn't have to go that extra mile for me or the fans and I think that shows what a class act he is.

Garrett Wang-- a class act!

See a small gallery of snapshots from the con and get links to my posts on the Fedcon Usa forum in the post continuation

Fedcon USA Self-destructs in Dallas

Fedcon USA imploded today. I'll provide the postmortem tomorrow. Right now I'll leave you with the post I logged on the Fedcon USA forum:

I host a News-Talk radio show on KXYL FM in Brownwood, Texas-- about 200 miles away from Dallas. I came to Fedcon USA as a member of the media (and as an enormous science fiction fan). It was my first, and probably last, sci-fi convention. I started contacting the Fedcon media liaison several months ago and was delighted to do everything I could to promote this event. I was promised a slate of guests to interview-- first by Chris McKeown, then by Steven Burkholder. None of those interviews ever materialized. My station gave away 10 pairs of tickets to eager fans wanting to attend. I promoted the event on my personal blog and talked it up on my program. Needless to say the station was highly embarrassed to have to track down those winners, many of whom had already checked into the hotel, and tell them to go home.

I knew things were in trouble when I got to the site and they had no press kit, no media credentials-- they couldn't even produce a lanyard in which to display the day pass I was given with "Press" hastily scrawled across it. I tracked down Steven Burkholder on Friday and again was promised one-on-one face time with the guests. Again on Saturday I left voice mail, and hunted Steven physically until I cornered him and he again promised interviews. (I think I saw Robert O'Reilly in the elevator," he told me.) I spent a good part of Saturday morning sequestered in the deserted press room waiting for Steven to deliver somebody--anybody to interview. Whenever I made a foray into the convention looking for Steven I was told by staff, "I'm not in charge of that," or "That's not my job," Or "I'll see what I can find out," upon which they disappeared never to be seen again.

I personally observed volunteers mis-charging for tickets because there was confusion over prices. "I'm just doing what I'm told," was the standard response. By Saturday, the events were thrown wide open to anybody who wandered downstairs, no doubt to the chagrin of Gold level ticket holders who shelled out big cash for special access. Nobody seemed to know what was going on, nor did anyone appear willing to take responsibility for a convention that was falling apart even before it got off the ground. The guests were all class, put on brave faces, and did what they could not to disappoint the fans. The guests shouldn't have had to shoulder that burden. Too bad that this fiasco has left such a bad taste in people's mouths. I doubt that Dallas will see another Sci Fi convention anytime soon. I heard there was a Hell of a party on Friday night, though. Too bad I missed it.

Feed The Beast

Have you seen the new Del Taco "Feed The Beast" commercial? Not only is it a saucy little knee-slapper in its own right, the fact that the beast looks like my buddy Dano completely slays me.

Okay... So physically, the Beast looks more like Wolverine and Dano's love child...

But Dano certainly embodies the essence of the Beast, including his ravenous hunger for tasty fast-food tacos.

Good Grooming

Those snappy dressers are me and my groomsmen on my wedding day. "Smilin' Jack" in the middle there is me. The guy on the left is my oldest pal. The guy on the right is my brother. We sort of look like the bouncers at Tony Soprano's New Year's Eve party, don't we?

The Way Out

Helps eliminate voter irregularity

The election has come and gone, yet the political anal-ists drone on. Why? What is left to discuss? Kerry has conceded. There will be no endless recounts. The armies of lawyers have been sent back to their anthills proving that after all the contentious mudslinging even the Devilcrats can lose with dignity. Now we are safe again in the hands of God and George W. Bush. We can sleep soundly knowing that we are protected by the might of the Mighty White Right.

Dick Cheney can be wrapped in tissue and returned to his secure, undisclosed location. The talking heads can be put back in their specimen jars and stored neatly on the shelves until the next election. The pundits can be sent back to the pundit farms for re-education. And you there—sissy boy, you might as well drop the bouquet. You aren’t getting married anytime soon.

My trip through the Underworld has come to an end as well. Halloween has come and gone and I did not find what I had lost, so I stopped looking for it and started looking for the way out. I stumbled through the dark basement of Limbo (where they keep the overstock and close outs) for quite some time before I found a hatch in the floor. It was the kind of hatch one might find on your run-of-the-mill U-boat. After a bit of tugging and yanking I managed to force it open, lifting the heavy hatch cover up on it’s rusty hinges with a mighty heave.

Flames shot up my kilt.

I slammed the hatch shut. It isn’t nearly close enough to Christmas to start roasting chestnuts. That’s when I noticed the wrought-iron spiral staircase, spiraling upward (as spiral staircases are wont to do) into the darkness over my head. It seemed to go on forever. With great trepidation I began to traverse it. As I wound my way up I reminisced about the time my Great Uncle Milty tried to invent the spiral escalator and screwed himself into the ground. (Then there was the time he tried to combine his love of cookies and tobacco and came up with Double Snuff Oreos.)

After an hour or two, a few more pointless reminiscences, a couple of random daydreams, a panic attack, a snack and the odd erotic fantasy, I bumped my head on a manhole cover. Why does everything in the Underworld have to be heavy and rusty? With a mighty shove I dislodged it, emerging into a vast desert wasteland.

This doesn’t look like home. I knew I should have turned left at Albuquerque!

I could see a structure in the distance through the wavering heat. A mirage perhaps? Hey, maybe I was near Vegas! I began to trudge off toward what I hoped would might harbor a cold drink or a hot showgirl. I found that my journey proceeded much faster when I spun the hands of my watch around and around, just like they do in the movies. I was there in no time. Einstein was right. Time is relative.

A trio of glass and steel pyramids surrounded a tower in a central courtyard. The place was in ruins, and seemingly uninhabited. I could not find the entrance to any of the pyramid structures, so I looked for passage into the courtyard with the idea of finding my way to the top of the tower for a good look around.

In the middle of the courtyard, before a long-dry reflecting pool, stood a towering bronze statue of a buxom young woman astride a giant boar. Both were depicted in full armor, the maiden armed with a spear and wearing the kind of horned helmet (with one of the horns broken off) that a heroine in a Wagnerian opera might wear. The boar looked almost like an ironclad rhinoceros, brandishing a large spike on his headpiece, as well as a pair of the most menacing tusks you ever saw. On his flank was carved, “Hell on Hooves.” What a beautiful, fearsome pair they made.

As I stood marveling, the silence was broken by the sound of a human voice. I nearly jumped out of my skin and spun on my heels to see an old man with a flowing white beard approaching me. He wore long tattered robes emblazoned with a crest. The Greek letter Omega sat atop the letter Tau. Taken together they formed the Crux Ansada. He hurried toward me excitedly, pursued by hideous, wee beasties that tugged at his robes and battered his shins with sticks. He looked like something out of a Schongauer painting.

 

“Are you here to rescue me?” He asked hopefully.

“Actually, I’m lost,” I answered, apologetically.

“Naturally,” He said. The poor fellow seemed crestfallen.  He lifted his robe and tried to shake loose one of the little monsters that had latched onto his leg.

“What are those awful things?” I asked.

He sighed. “Those are my angels of chaos. They manifest out of my dreams at night. They are a real pain in the ass.” He turned to reveal a hairy gopher sized creature clinging to his hind-parts by a mouth full of pointy teeth. “See?”

“My God!” I grimaced.

He pointed toward something, which darted behind the statue of the warriors. “That spiny bastard is the worst,” he said. An evil giggle emanated from the shadows. “But they are the only things to eat around here.”

“Blech!” I exclaimed, wrinkling my nose.

“Eh, the Duken is pretty tasty,” he said, gesturing to a small campfire I hadn’t noticed before. Roasting on a spit was what appeared to be a brain with rooster's legs and leathery bat wings. “Care for a drumstick?”

I declined. “How long have you been here old-timer?” I asked.

He scratched his head, counted on his fingers, and took a deep breath. “It’ll be One thousand, four-hundred twenty years, six months, three days,” he said. “Come next Tuesday.”

I eyeballed him dubiously. “Who are they?” I asked, pointing at the sculpture.

He looked at the maiden wistfully. “She was the love of my life.” His eyes began to water.

“What happened to her?” I asked.

He shrugged and turned away. “I was just her companion on the first of her adventures,” he said sadly. “I heard once that she died rich and lonely, the name ‘Rosebud’ lingering on her lips.” He paused. “Or maybe I saw that in a movie once. I forget.” He began to usher me toward the tower. “She might have run off with a poet, or a circus freak… Who knows? I don’t guess it matters much anymore.”

He swung open the tower doors and we entered into a great library. In the center stood a magnificent ten thousand year clock. It rose majestically up through the center of the tower, rockers and gears slowly grinding out the advance of centuries. There were hands to mark the passage of the ages, dials to chart the rise and fall of civilizations, and a cuckoo that chirped but once a millennium.

 

“It’s ten minutes fast,” he said.

Hundreds of thousands of books lined the tower walls. “The sum of human knowledge,” he whispered reverently. “There are even one or two by you,” he said smiling. Before I could ask him anything else he shoved me toward a turnstile. “You’ll find that is your way out,” He said, slapping something into my hand. “You’ll need a token.”

“Hey!” I protested. “I have a few more questions. What is this place? Who are you? What’s up with the pig? Where is the girl now? And do I really write a book?”

“You’ll find out,” he said slyly. “In time. Now go. And if you see that damned brush elf, give him a swift kick in the pants for me.” Then he turned and walked away, whistling the Gary Owen and swatting at the angels of chaos that surrounded him once more.

After one last glance I deposited the token and passed through the turnstile. I emerged into the sunshine, surrounded by the familiar buildings of my hometown.

“Hello movie house!” I gushed. “Hello gas station! Hello building and loan!” I rushed down the street, past the places of my youth. It felt good to be back in the Overworld, back among the living. I guess I really will have a wonderful life after all.